Saturday evening and I was sleepy, headed to bed. I had changed the bed sheets today, which I love. One of the true joys in life is fresh, clean-smelling sheets. My husband was already wrapped up under the covers, on his phone, likely engaged in another high stakes game of Solitaire. I pulled back the blanket and THERE, ON MY PILLOW was a spider the size of a small mouse. I am really not kidding. It was on my pillow and the size of a small mouse. I felt I needed to repeat myself because you, the reader, are likely as incredulous as I was in the moment. The spider was tan, oh and as my daughter has corrected me no less than five times, it was an arachnid, not a spider. Apparently, it is the same class of invertebrates as spiders, but a different category. For example, scorpions and ticks are also arachnids, but are not spiders. Needless to say, I am not a fan of large, tan arachnids that like to snuggle up on my pillow. In fact, I am most creeped out by spiders (in this case an arachnid), more than snakes, mice, worms and pretty much any other potentially alarming creature.
Camel Spider on my pillow Photo by: Solitaire-playing husband
Luckily (maybe) for me I had all my years of psychological skills to help with this problem. The therapist brain quickly chimed in over-enthusiastically reminding me that DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy) says that all life challenges are opportunities to practice skills. If the therapist brain were an actual person, I would’ve punched it in the face.
I didn’t scream, though. My husband said I just gasped enough to let him know there was a problem. He, was fascinated by our companion. My friend the arachnid was transferred to a Tupperware and firmly escorted to the end of the driveway with strict instructions not to return. Prior to his departure, he enjoyed multiple photo ops, posing proudly for the camera. Upon his eviction, the bed was checked and failed to reveal any additional uninvited guests.
Now, came the real challenge for which I was truly grateful to have my skills. I had to go to sleep on that pillow in that bed right now. Ick, I certainly did not even want to get close to that pillow!!! Luckily, I had the trusty opposite action skill in my back pocket. Opposite action is a DBT skill for use when the internal feelings don’t match the external circumstances. Such as, feeling as if there is a spider (arachnid) in your bed, but there isn’t actually a spider (arachnid the size of a small rodent) in your bed and you know because you just checked.
Putting opposite action to use involves three steps:
- Deciding what the opposite feeling might be and doing one’s best to remember that feeling in the body, instead of fear and disgust, I work on remembering how comfort and safety feel to me.
- Imagining how one might behave if one fully believed the facts as we have observed them. For me, this would mean actually believing there were no more spiders (arachnids or anything else) in my bed. In which case, I would likely just get in the bed like normal and go to sleep.
- Then, doing what you imagined you would do if you actually believed the facts as they were observed. This instant, I am faced with having to get into the bed and go to sleep instead of doing what I want to do, which is run screaming from the house!
I do the opposite action skill. I fall asleep and dream of spiders (arachnids) on my pillow… but only for one night.
My son had missed the fireworks, so after I had gone to bed, my daughter filled him in. She told me the next morning that his response was, “Gross, how is Mom sleeping in there?”
Opposite Action, Baby, Opposite Action.
Recent Comments